My Life's Support
by Minniemora
Summary: When Ushio gets sick and has to be put on life support, Tomoya doesn't know what to do. She's the light of his life. If Nagisa had lived and Ushio hadn't, this was what I imagined. Maybe a multiple chapter if reviews!
1. Chapter 1

_Six years. That's how long Ushio belonged to Nagisa and I. It's funny, I remember a time when I thought Nagisa would be the one leaving Ushio and I. When our daughter was born, Nagisa wasn't in the best health. She'd been sickly since her childhood, and it wasn't very surprising situation when her pregnancy was difficult. Now, Nagisa and I are lying in her parent's house. All we can do is try to pick up these broken pieces of our hearts, but it's not that simple. I remember it like it was a dream- a nightmare- I just woke up from._

"Daddy!" Ushio giggled, running up to me. "C'mon daddy! Let's go for a picnic!" I had a lot of work to do, considering my new promotion. All my physical labor and aching muscles were over, but now I suffered through headaches and paperwork. It was all worth it to see Nagisa and Ushio living more comfortably.

"Alright, alright, I guess I can find a little time," I lightly chuckled. _A little time? I made it sound like I had to SQUEEZE my daughter into my schedule. Like she shouldn't have been my number one priority. Like I never could find a second to spare for such a nuisance._

"Oh, thank you daddy!" giggled Ushio. "Can you pack some of mommy's rice please?"

"Yeah, and while you're at it, why don't you take a couple pieces of Senae's bread? Freshly baked this morning."

"You're actually asking me to take Senae's bread? Like, to eat?"

"I didn't say eat, I said take," Akio corrected. "You're going out into the elements and I just figured you could take this bread back to where it belongs: nature."

"Uhhh, Akio?" I warned.

"S-so that's what my bread is to you? A dirty part of nature?!" Senae then darted from the bakery, while Akio slammed down three pieces of Senae's interesting creation.

"No baby!" his muffled voice called. "I LOVE IT!" Ushio's laughter brought me back to reality after the chaos I'd just witnessed. I couldn't hide my smile if I tried. That beautiful noise is what I lived for.

"Ready to go?" I asked, holding my hand for her small one to take. Ushio clasped onto me for guidance and I led her to her favorite tree in the park.

"Daddy," Ushio began. "I have a question."

"Well," I responded. "Go ahead."

"I don't understand. If you and mommy love each other and you love me, why don't you have another baby? Lots of other families have more than one baby, so why don't you?" I looked down at my feet and sighed. _Because I didn't want what happened to you to happen to your mother. One pregnancy was an overload, but two? Two was a death sentence._

"Ushio, your mother and I love you far too much to ever have another child pulling our focus. You're our one and only little girl, alright?"

"Alright, daddy," Ushio sighed. "I just wish I had someone to play with."

"Well, you have me. I'll play with you whenever you'd like," I smiled. _Liar. Why do you have to lie? You never made time for her! It was work THIS and work THAT day in and day out!_

"Thank you daddy," giggled my child as she ran uphill.

"Ushio, be careful!" I called as she stumbled a bit at the top. "Geez, kid, you're gonna give daddy a heart attack." Ushio's little eyes squinted while she smiled innocently at me. _She was so little…six years old…she didn't know she wasn't invincible. What bad could happen to her?_

"I'm fine, daddy," giggled Ushio. "Can we please eat our crab sandwiches now? Please daddy? I'm really hungry." I nodded, pulling two sandwiches from the basket and setting a blanket down. Ushio looked overjoyed to eat. _She looked so perfect that day. She'd be that perfect in my mind for the rest of my life. I remember we were halfway finished with our sandwiches before I started to take notice._

"Ushio, what's the matter? Is your food alright?" I asked.

"N-No…my food is making…making…" Ushio's little fingers that gripped the sandwich began to release. It fell onto our blanket and her little limbs shook. I could tell right away she'd lost a bit of control of them due to exhaustion. Now I began to take note of her color: pink. Her entire face turned pink and her body let her go. The container for my daughter's soul had failed to catch her, but I refused. I quickly grabbed onto my little girl and lifted her into my arms. Quickly, I looked around for anyone to help, but no one was there. The green grass had such an inviting color, but no guests seemed to take notice today. None but Ushio and I. _Why couldn't I have chosen a busier park? If someone would have been there, maybe they'd have known what to do. Maybe they could have done something to cure her. It could have been something so absurdly simple that could have saved my baby girl…but we were alone. We were stranded together, father and daughter, left to our brain power. Since I was the only conscious one, and she was only six, we were stranded with only my brain power. _I ran. I ran until my legs couldn't run anymore, which was when I arrived at the hospital. I fell to the floor the moment the nurse came to take Ushio. I didn't know why I was too fatigued to follow her.

"Where did this happen?" a nurse questioned.

"Th-the park…" I panted.

"Park? The closest park here is five miles away. Are you telling me you got her here on foot from the park? You waited that long?" _You idiot. Why did you take so long?! Why didn't you take a bus? Why didn't you take a train? Why did you have to rely on yourself? Ushio needed more than you! She's ALWAYS needed more than you!_

"I-I didn't know how bad traffic was…and I wasn't thinking. I just really needed to get Ushio the help that she needed and I needed to do it as soon as I possibly could…"

"I see….Well, the doctors will do everything that they can Mr. Okazaki, but next time take the bus. Health should never have to wait." _Next time…if only there could be a next time…_ Senae came with Akio first thing, and Nagisa followed shortly after, having left work a bit early. We waited. A few hours had passed and Ushio's teacher, Kyou, came to join us. We waited. The next day, when Kyou had gone back to work and I assured Nagisa I would call her when need-be if she went to, I got a surprise. Youhei came into the hospital to see how everything was going. We still waited. We waited just to know, not for good news, not for bad. Just for news at all.

"Tomoya," Senae sighed. "You really should go home and rest…maybe for a few hours?"

"Senae, with all due respect, I cannot go home right now. If anything were to happen while I was home and I wasn't here to be with Ushio, I could never live with myself. Please understand…"

"I do, Tomoya, of course." I could hear the sadness in her voice. Once the bakery had closed for the day, Akio rejoined us. Nagisa and Kyou both got off work as well and came back to the hospital once again. It had been a full twenty four hours now, and yet…we waited.

Kyou and Nagisa gabbed about their days at work, trying to forget the real reason they were here at the moment. Trying to ignore their problems and replace them with mindless feminine chatter. Senae and the old man sat in silence, reading and knitting. I watched as Senae's threadwork grew over the hours. Youhei sat with me, but he seemed too afraid to say anything. I really looked that scary at the moment I guess. Twenty four hours is too long…too long…why would it take so long? Such a long time…

"DAMN IT!" I finally snapped. "WHAT is taking so long?! What takes twenty four hours to figure out?! Are you just leaving us out of the loop? What is it!?"

"T-Tomoya…" Nagisa's small and timid voice returned me to a state of somewhat sanity. "Please…calm down. We should hear any moment now. I'm sure it's all good news. No news is good news…and we've not gotten any news at all." For a moment, I'm calm. For a moment I grasp onto Nagisa's positive energy with the child's gullibility she has. _What an idiot._

"Mr. and Mrs. Okazaki?" asked the doctor after what seemed a million years. We both rushed to his location, followed by the entire waiting room of people. "It seems Ushio had such a terrible fever from this curious illness…we did everything we could to bring it down. Her body fought infection and there wasn't much we could do to stop it. It was genetic, you see, and as long as it was controlled we didn't want to worry you. We said nothing because telling you was fine would be a lie, but anything else would have caused worry. We're very sorry…but we're telling you now only because Ushio is no longer responding. We had to put her on life-support…and now she is suffering. We thought it only right we let you say goodbye." _She was still alive at that moment_. Nagisa stayed to thank the doctor, but I fled to Ushio's room. There she was…as peaceful as I'd left her. The only difference was now she'd been stuffed with tubes to keep her responsive. Although she couldn't open her eyes or speak back, I had to say something to Ushio. Any second could have been the last.

"Ushio," _I could have heard the clock ticking in the background. _"…Daddy's here…daddy will always be here…Please stay. I know you can hear me Ushio. Ushio, I may not have had time before, but I'm quitting my job. I'm quitting my job today. I'm going to give you the father you deserve. I'm gonna be more of a man that I've ever been. I'm going to do everything I can to give you what you've always deserved, Ushio. Just…stay. Please don't leave your daddy. If you leave I don't know what mommy and I would do…we can only have you. You're our one love. You're our one joy. You're our one happiness, Ushio." I heard sniffles from behind my back, and knew Nagisa had joined me.

"We have to take her off now…" Nagisa choked.

"What are you talking about, Nagisa?" I gasped. "Take her off life-support? Are you crazy? She'll die!"

"Tomoya, if we don't do it now she's going to suffer!" Nagisa fought.

"So, you're just going to kill her? You're going to pull the plug on her? What if she's going to live? What if she wakes up to see you giving up on her? What if they find a cure the moment the power is disconnected? What then!?" Nagisa said nothing. She was crying too hard to speak. Her tears fled from her eyes, and her skinny legs ran the rest of her to the bedside of our little girl. She hugged her. She kissed her. She moved the hair from her face. I even heard a faint whisper, "I love you." Only seconds later, Nagisa had the plug in her hand. _I remember desperately diving…Grasping onto Nagisa's hands and holding as tightly as I could. I thought she'd gone crazy. "_You're KILLING HER!"_ I remember shouting. I made it so much worse for Nagisa than it should have been…I remember pulling so hard I heard her hands pop inside. She had bruised knuckles from my hands. I became a monster in that moment. Finally, Akio found us and dragged me outside. Not just the room, but the entire hospital. I don't remember the next week after that. I just remember waking up here one morning, and I haven't left since. Why would I leave this room? Who will I take somewhere? What will I learn? How will I suffer? All I can do now is sit in Akio and Senae's Bakery...and drink._

"Tomoya," I heard Senae call from downstairs. "Nagisa is home!" She called me, thinking it would make me come downstairs, but I had just emptied my third bottle. There was nothing I could do besides lie here on the floor. I waited for thirty minutes before Nagisa finally walked upstairs to change.

"Tomoya," Nagisa frowned. Her voice wasn't surprised. She was used to this now, but she was disappointed. "Tomoya, you can't keep this up. You're not going to have a liver this time next month if you don't stop." She sat me up and handed me a cup of coffee. She'd come prepared this time.

"I'm fine, Nagisa, just go downstairs and have dinner. I need some alone time." That's what I thought I said, but it was honestly some babbling mess, slurred by alcohol.

"Tomoya, let's go get some food in you, ok?" The coffee began to sink into my system, lifting me off my back and onto my feet. Nagisa began to anger me. How could she just act like it was time to have dinner like a regular day? It's not a normal day to day. It has never been- and will never be again- a normal day. What is normal about going on living while your daughter lies in a grave? What disgusting human would be able to do something like that? Nagisa is doing it…

"Why don't you go without me, like I asked before?" Nagisa looked at me, her face emotionally crushed. The Tomoya in me wanted to hit the monster outside in the mouth. If only the Tomoya in me hadn't died alongside my Ushio.

"Tomoya?" Nagisa whimpered.

"Tomoya's gone," I growled. Nagisa clutched onto me as I tried to enter the bathroom. "Nagisa, I'm warning you: let go."

"Tomoya, please," sniffled Nagisa. "Stop! You need to start living your life again! It's not like ruining your life will bring back Ushio. I wish we could bring her back too! If quitting my job and drinking would give her back to me I would do it. It won't work though, Tomoya…it won't work." I looked at my wife and I could feel the anger on my face.

"Well you didn't have a problem getting rid of her in the first place." Nagisa lept back from me in shock and sadness.

"Tomoya…I didn't want to see her suffer," Nagisa whispered, looking down to her feet.

"Her suffer!? What about me? What about us? She could have lived for all we know! If she lived on life support she'd have lived maybe even until she healed!" Nagisa stepped back each time I stepped forward. The dance lasted until I had her back against the wall. "You pulled the plug on a SIX YEAR OLD! YOU ended her life! She died in YOUR hands! FROM your hands!"

"Tomoya, that's enough!" Senae had climbed the stairs when she'd heard the fuss.

"No! It's not!" I demanded. "Nagisa wants to be mad at me for drinking and quitting my job? Fine! Just know YOU are the one to blame for my depression. For our child's DEATH!"

"Hey kid, you might want to take a step back before I step in," the old man warned. "A man has no problem fighting a woman but when a man gets involved, let's see how tough you are." I didn't take my focus off Nagisa. I wanted to- or Tomoya did- but I couldn't.

"You're just selfish. You didn't want to be seen as a bad mother for keeping her on life support. You didn't want to see the pity looks people would give you. You didn't want to have to nurse her back to health. Was that it?! You didn't want to work for her?"

"Tomoya," Senae pleaded. "She was suffering. There was no way for her to make it. All life support was doing was keeping her miserable. Would you want that for her?"

"STAY OUT OF THIS! Both of you!" I snapped, still not looking towards the two. "What was it Nagisa?"

"I…I wanted her to be happy…and she wasn't happy while she was suffering. Now she's running free, in Heaven!"

"She should be HERE! With US! She's six years old! SIX YEARS OLD NAGISA! Why if she had the same thing you had did she die so much sooner? Why are YOU still here if she's not?!" I could hear Senae stop Akio from charging at me, but I still didn't look away from Nagisa. Her eyes were wet with tears. Neither of us had ever seen this side of me, and I could visibly notice her shaking with fear. "I don't even know why I stayed here with a _murderer._" That was it for Akio and Senae. She let go, releasing the beast upon me.

"ALRIGHT PUNK, you've had your sick fun, now get the F*** OUT OF MY-" Akio froze for a moment as he stared at his quivering daughter. He saw what I saw: bruises. They weren't from me. "N-Nagisa, what happened to you?" With a shocked expression, Nagisa looked at her arm and began to explain. "Don't make up excuses for him! Tell me the truth! Did he HURT you?!" He didn't let her even start to speak before pulling me by my neck.

"Nagisa!" I gasped, wanting to know who'd hurt my wife. I may have let that monster unleash upon her in my drunken state, but hurt her I wouldn't do if my life had been threatened. "Nagisa, who-" I lost my ability to speak by Akio's tightening grip. His arm squeezed tighter around my throat like a vice and before I could see again, we were outside.

"Have fun living in the gutter kid, because you're out of a job, out of a house, and you're not even fit to eat Senae's bread for survival!" That's the line I woke up to. I felt my entire body aching, and noticed the blood on the concrete beside me. "Next time you touch my daughter, you're going to have a lot more than what I gave you this time." The door to the bakery slammed, and I couldn't pick myself up. My family, the last thing I had, just left me on the freezing pavement. I'd lost my daughter, my wife, my house, my job, and now I don't know where to go next.


	2. Chapter 2

The streets are no easy place for a broken hearted man. As if losing my job and family weren't enough, I have to fend off animals in the nighttime. While I lie on the grass I suffer through stray dogs and cats nibbling my ears, or strangers trying to take the money I don't have. I end up sleeping more in the daytime when people are less apt to injure me. With witnesses around, I feel safe enough to sleep. Even then, however, I have trouble taking my focus on what I've lost. What I'll never see again. Sometimes, around four in the morning when I'm sure no one is awake, I walk to the bakery. I don't do any menacing activities; I just stand there. I pretend to speak with Nagisa. I pretend to apologize and tell her I'm ready to come home and heal with her over our only child's loss.

"Nagisa…" I whisper with tightly shut eyes. I can feel my hands tremble and the fear of Akio swinging a bat to knock my head off like a T-ball off a tee makes my stress level heighten. I hug her, and nuzzle my nose into her neck, just like our old days. My beautiful blushing bride that needs me. The innocent little swan I came to love. The beautiful queen that I'd do anything to change the last words I spoke to. My beautiful Dango princess.

"Hey, bum!" a cruel voice scolded. "Time to get out! We're closing up!" Four already? Once the bar is closed, I'm back to the streets. I walked to my usual spot a block from the bakery. Lying down on the sidewalk, I shut my eyes and stayed alert for a stray to wander by. The cold and damp concrete was unwelcoming. It caused a flashback to the semi-smothering comforter in my bedroom. The pillows that enveloped my head. The blankets molding my shape and cuddling against me. Now I lay cold, alone, atop frigid and isolated concrete. My body shivers as my weakened skin bleeds from the roughness the pavement bears. I heard steps coming toward me, but they were different. It wasn't the normal paw and nail scrapings, this was a man stepping towards me. My eyes shot open as I prepared to defend myself.

"You against me, round two?" Akio's voice asked. "Look kid, I've seen you stalking around my house, but I let you live. Nagisa told me it wasn't you and after a little detective work I believe her. That doesn't change what you said to her though. So here we are. Now I have to decide if you're gonna die tonight or not."

"W-wait, what? Nagisa defended me?"

"Yeah, and I didn't tell her you've been stalking her. Or the fact you're living on the street."

"You said you've seen me, but…I've only been by before sunrise. How did you see me?"

"When your kid is up all night sobbing…you are too," Akio explained.

"She's not been sleeping?"

"I guess you have that in common, judging by your visiting hours. Come on kid, let's go get some bread and-"

"N-no! I don't want Nagisa to see me this way!" I demanded. He stared at me with anger and perturbation on his gaze.

"Kid, she still sleeps, just not well. Come on. I don't want you to see her either."

"Fine, I'll come for thirty minutes and then I'll leave."

"An hour," he corrected. "You've got to at least wash your hair, kid, you smell like a trash heap."

"Thanks, old man," I sighed. I felt a shove on my back from the rear end of his bat. The aggression from the blow felt like home sweet home.

"Keep quiet, both the girls are sleeping," forewarned my father-in-law. It felt like I'd found some strange cheat-code in the game of life to enter a building not allowed to a normal game player. I shouldn't have been in this house. Not in the bakery. Not in the kitchen, or even close to Nagisa. In fact, after the century we've been apart, Nagisa seems like a blurry dream. I sat next to the man who once considered me a son. Feeling like garbage, I cringed to hear him speak to me again. "Take a shower, get a couple water bottles in a bag, change of clothes, and I'll feed you some breakfast. Then it's out the door until one tomorrow morning when I'll let you sleep in here. We will do this every night for a week and if you're not pulling your life together by then you've lost your very GENEROUS privilege. Not repeating a word. Get it?"

"Yes," I didn't hesitate to say. If I'd hesitated he'd have redacted the offer.

"Good, now hurry up and shower before I change my mind." He threatened. I stepped into the shower and timidly switched the water on. The water was penetrating through mounds of dirt collecting upon my skin. It had been much too long since the last time I'd attempted cleanliness. Stumbling around the small space, I grabbed the shampoo and ran my fingers through the grime lying under the follicles. I stood there a minute and watched the filthy water run from browned to somewhat clear. "Take this for the smell."

"What are you-" My mouth was covered before I could finish my shocked question.

"Shut up, kid! Wake up my little girl and I'll knock you silly! Just take the soap!" he whispered forcefully. Even in a soft voice, Akio scared me. I took the soap and continued to lather it upon my washing body, I took a healing breath in and imagined Nagisa sleeping in the room next to me. How could we be so far apart mentally when I'm showering right beside her? Why can't she feel my presence? Why can Akio? "You still smell like Senae's bread or what?"

"It's a lot better now, I swear." Akio handed me a towel and turned the shower off.

"Microwave pancakes are on the counter. Eat em' on your way out and take these clothes. See you tomorrow, skeezebag."

"Thank you…" _I guess._

"Just GTFO kid." _Did he really just use text talk to communicate with me?_ The smiling faces I passed as I walked outside were very foreign and strange. I had been eyed as a criminal or a pauper for weeks, so to be seen as a normal man was awkward. I walked past the high school today, and it kind of freaked me out. To think, when I met Nagisa in that school I had no idea she'd marry me or I would be in this pain. I thought I'd be successful…I thought I had hope. _What a mistake_.


End file.
